How to Create a Safe and Sacred Space
There are some vital guidelines that support an atmosphere of mutual trust and a sense of safety while in a Dyad. They help to cultivate the essential qualities of love and respect that are required for vulnerability to emerge. Using these guidelines creates the simple, pure act of listening in which we honor our partner’s soul just as it is, without needing them to adjust anything in themselves or in their sharing.
As a listener you cultivate:
The capacity to be a silent witness: You listen with curiosity without needing to actively respond or interact at all. This does not mean you stare blankly like a robot. It does mean that when your partner shares something that brings a smile to your face or tears to your eyes, you simply notice and remain present in your role as a witness.
The capacity to be present: When you are the witness, it is supportive that you sit still and make arrangements so no other activities are taking place during the Dyad time. By fully focus on each other during the Dyad, sharing and receiving can move into a much more vulnerable and intimate place.
The capacity to stay connected with eyes open: As the witness offering presence, you keep your eyes open and softly look at your Dyad partner. This offers reassurance and is a way to say “I am here with you” without needing to speak, nod, or smile. While the person sharing may close their eyes, anytime they open their eyes contact will be available with you and this can act as an anchor.
The capacity to be self-aware: When listening to another person share, it is quite natural for the mind to be activated and for many thoughts to pass through. By becoming aware of thoughts and reactions as they arise and by taking ownership of them in each moment, you acknowledge they are your own internal processes and you grow in self-awareness. The aim is to notice the thoughts silently and then bring your attention back to be present with your partner.
The capacity to take ownership: This is the capacity of being aware of one’s internal reality, and being able to own it fully. It awakens the true listener within.
The capacity to trust your partner and his/her own healing powers: As a witness you offer silent presence to your partner and listen to whatever wants to be shared. You make no attempts to change, fix, or heal them. You are completely present without offering any empathy or compassionate support vocally. This silent support allows the other person to find their own way and encourages them to find within themselves the answers to their questions. It offers the trust that they can heal themselves by connecting to their own inner wisdom. Your trust in them is a truly empowering gift.
As the sharer you cultivate:
The capacity to listen deeply inside each moment: When you hear the question from your partner, you receive an implicit invitation to take a moment to listen inside yourself with a whole-body receptiveness. This is called the experiential part of the inquiry. You then share with the listener what arises in you in response to the question, and not in response to what you partner has just said. This differentiation is crucial. Dialogue is not the purpose of these Dyads. The invitation is to focus on each moment as a new “now” that wants to be explored and you share your report of that exploration. You are taking your soul on a journey. You become a “soul in process.”
The capacity to be self-responsible: As the exploring and sharing partner you want to abstain from:
- Analyzing, judging, labeling, or criticizing your partner
- Trying to influence your partner to like you
- Expressing any kind of emotional or physical attraction to your Dyad partner or violate sexual boundaries
- Trying to recreate an experience you had in a former Dyad
- Interrupting your partner’s process when you have switched roles and have become the listener
- Replying to something your partner shared
Some useful tips for the listener and the sharer:
- Both partners will keep confidentiality, that is outside of dyads and within the dyad community.
- Ask for help from the host/facilitator if you feel confused or uneasy.
- Sit directly in front of your partner, facing each other and not sideways or at an angle.
- Sit at about the same height so your eyes are approximately on the same level.
- Use a headset when online to support clearer sound (or to increase the volume if your voice is not loud enough for your partner to hear).
- You might want to mute yourself to avoid background noise when you are not the sharer.
- Say “Thank you” after each 5-minute sharing.
The more these qualities and capacities are cultivated and embodied, the deeper the acceptance will be of each other. By growing these inner capacities, you release the desire to change the outer circumstances or to alter what is present. You let go of the wish for people to behave differently. You become more able to contribute and to provide a space where all can thrive and grow. Enjoy your Dyad! It is a sacred process, a prayer of your soul.